Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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