when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
