You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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