Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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