take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
