He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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