I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
