your parents love me but you hate me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize