Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
