I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I party with great urgency now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
