I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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