Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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