I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
