Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
