I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
