Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
