i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
