I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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