on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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