sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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