she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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