What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
