Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
