NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize