A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
