Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and she was petting her beer can
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
