Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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