Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
