someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
