i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize