i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
