just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
