The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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