C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
