Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
