I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
