i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
