I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
