Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
