She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize