It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need a beard to bite.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Congratulations! We have a period
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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