Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
