hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize