I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
