i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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