Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
