can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize