my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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