I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
