brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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