well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize