rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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