My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
