Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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