Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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