HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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