i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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