i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
