Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
