Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
