I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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