Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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