Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
