yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
