saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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