Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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