I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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