I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
