here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
