filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
