I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
