you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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