Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
